E just called to let me know his grandfather passed away this morning. Please keep his family in good thoughts.

Madeline's Great Grandpa M has been sick for the past few months... he went into the hospital awhile ago for gangrene. My MIL called E today to let him know Great Grandpa M no longer has any brain activity, but continues to breathe on his own. They expect him to pass soon.

It just dawned on me this morning.... In the time it has taken my sister to have TWO children biologically, it has taken us that entire time to adopt 1 child. (I'm not angry with my sister, hope it doesn't appear that way). I really thought Madeline would be going with me in three weeks to visit my sister and new baby Adrian... and she's not. (My sister got pregnant in January 06, and we started paperchasing in April 06). Then she got pregnant again in January 07. Busy girl she is!

Baby, I love you...

I miss this child so much!

I have to laugh, many people are bringing up adoption #2 to me. Just earlier today my sister said we should get on the waiting list for Vietnam! Maybe you all know something E and I don't know about...... :) We have talked about it, and we both are in agreement that we need to finish M's adoption, and take a very LONG break! Sometimes I even say, no, she'll be an only child. BUT, you never know - God may have other plans for us..... hope he sends the money tree too!

I have had a lot of things on my mind today. I continue to pray for clarity, but I don't think I will have any until Tuesday... possibly, Wednesday morning. I am choosing to believe that God's hand is on our file. If He wanted this adoption to end, wouldn't it have already? My very good friend Danielle made these valid points to me when I explained in great detail our newest previo. Wasn't there opportunity after opportunity for this to end?


Many have asked if I have heard from my agency. No, I have not and I will not hear from them either. This was our choice, not theirs. Both my husband and I came to the decision when I arrived home from Guatemala to end contact for various reasons.


I ordered those bath bubble books from e-bay. I got 4 brand new my little pony books for Madeline. I also ordered her a Barney sing-a-long DVD since her attention span is not very long - but she enjoys music.. as well as a Little People DVD. Oh! And her 2 favorite toys that were Maya's. A sassy Piano keys toy, and a rattle-phone. Madeline has various board books but she enjoyed slobbering on them to the point they were falling apart! I think these bubble books will work better for her.


I miss her very much- and hope that she will remember me when we see eachother again.

Does anyone know where I can find "bath books"? They are very soft waterproof books....

Prayers needed

We just got an indepth run down of what our previo is. It is not good. My attorney needs to agree to fix this a certain way or we're looking at another year to finish M's adoption. Please pray that my attorney agrees to this. Our hearts are breaking right now!

Good heaven on earth

Our KO has to do with the civil registry, and the resolution of our file. COME ON. Couldn't this have been something easy like a missing signature. Should I start the 6 month count down on when I will get resubmitted now? Ugh. C'mon God, I need a break!!

Disgusting

We got another kick out. It took us 6 frigan months to get resubmitted to PGN, and we're kicked out again.

I remember every moment

My darling Madeline,


Today you're turning one. This past year has seemed to past by so quickly, it feels like just yesterday we were seeing your photos for the first time. I remember excitedly calling your Daddy around lunch time and telling him how I thought you were the "one". That YOU my little love, were meant to be our daughter. A few days later, we were officially matched.


Now here we are, a year later.. still waiting for you to come home. Never in my life did I imagine I would be missing your first birthday. My heart aches to be with you today. I long for the days of singing itsy bitsy spider, playing with the kitty kitty book, raspberries, scrunching noses, tickles, snuggles, your contagious laugh, and your sweet smile. You have filled my heart with a love I have never known before, and my life with endless happiness. I love you Madeline - more then words could ever express.


While my heart is pitifully aching today, at least I have countless hours of video, and thousands of pictures... there is another woman in this world that does not have that. I'm praying that God gives your biological mother peace in her heart today. May she know how much your Daddy and I love you - and care for you, and may that ease her heart.


I love you darling girl- I hope you are having a wonderful day filled with balloons and cake!
Forever,
Mommy



Video coming soon.

On the eve of her birthday..

Today my husband and I went to Hershey's chocolate world for a few hours. It was nice to get out of the house and get our minds off of TOMORROW. I now have a hershey's chocolate candle, and my husband has twenty four (yes 24) white chocolate peanut butter cups. After being shoved in line by these two brats (while the dad stood there watching!!!!!) we were off to Red Robin for dinner. I've never eaten there before, and I don't think it was worthwhile either. That could also be because I got chicken lodged into my throat. Thankfully it eventually went down or the kind stranger next to me was going to start the heimlich. How embarrassing.


Tomorrow we're going to the shore for the day. I need constant amusement or I will fall to pieces. We are having a party on the 26th (exactly 1 year since we first saw her pictures) in honor of her birthday. I am having a lot of fun planning that! :)


I know some of you were offended by my last post. That's okay.

Just a few more days until my BABY is a year old. I've been pretty quiet about this.. and I've done well not thinking about it- but it IS inevitable that she will turn one on Sunday and there is nothing I can do. People, seriously, don't adopt from Guatemala, and if you must, hire Palmetto Hope.

Welcome home Jolene & Layla!

WELCOME HOME!!!!!

My friend Jolene and her daughter Layla are home from Guatemala! Layla is a few days away from being 14 months old. They've had a long journey, and I'm thrilled that she is finally home! Jolene got out of PGN TWO months ago and has been living like a rock star at the Marriott for the past few weeks. :) I'm sure she was sad to leave the rock star lifestyle, but I'm even more sure that she is happy to be HOME! :)

May the good Lord be with you

So tomorrow I'm going to be a blonde again. I've been a brunette for two, or three months now? I'm ready for a change. (Blonde is my natural color). I'm thinking highlights and underlights.... :)

I am a tad nervous about PGN. My file has sat out for 6 months, and that could raise some PGN eyebrows as to why.. They were simple fixes. Overall I feel pretty confident that we will make it through PGN with no more kick outs. Slow and steady wins the race, right? That is what my friend B tells me, anyhow! As long as it is approved, I'm okay!

I'm missing Madeline very much tonight. Only a few days until my baby is a TODDLER. I wish I was spending her birthday with her.

You are the sunshine of my life..

WE ARE FINALLY BACK IN PGN......

FOR REAL THIS TIME!!!!!!!! WORDS CAN NOT EXPRESS HOW WE ARE FEELING RIGHT NOW! THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!

The phone call we were waiting for did not come. I'll know for sure in a little while.

Anything can happen!

Today could very well be the last day of our case. Our attorney has today to resubmit our case. If he doesn't, it's over. We have tried EVERYTHING to get him to resubmit and he won't. I pray that God will change his heart and just resubmit.. but after 6 months of these people lying, numerous false resubmission dates, there is very little hope in my heart. Oh & incase anyone is wondering..... our file is completely done. The BC issue has been fixed for over a month. All we need is 2 signatures and they can resubmit. You would think they could spare 30 seconds out of their day to sign this and resubmit it.. You know, considering I've waited SIX months for them to get their shit together. I can only rely on God for the strength to get through this if it isn't meant to be.. Today may be the end of Madeline's adoption... but this fight is nowhere near over.

When you're gone .. the pieces of my heart are missing you ..

I have been waking up every night since I handed Madeline back. My first night home I woke up paniced asking where the baby was, and that she had fallen off the bed. When my husband told me this- I felt like crying.

Last night I woke up at 3 AM looking for her again..

Please God, I need to bring her home.....

Home

It is a little after midnight and we are just getting in. My plane had a 45 min delay getting in. Unfortunately, my husband was in a car accident on his way to the airport. Thankfully he and the other person are okay. Unfortunately our car took a beating!

I just want to make sure there is no confusion..... WE HAVE NOT AND ARE NOT losing Madeline.

I will say though- I am a little disappointed in the lack of support I had while I was in Guatemala from quite a few people. It really opened my eyes.

Fostering cut short

I heartbreakingly gave Madeline back yesterday, and this morning I am leaving to go home. I am so thankful for the 10 days I got to spend with her..

This post is to a special Daddy.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!!!!!!

WE MISS YOU

AND

WE LOVE YOU!

AND

CONGRATS ON PASSING YOUR

NET+ CERTIFICATION EXAM!

YOU ARE THE BEST!!!!!!!!

WISH WE WERE HOME TO CELEBRATE

XOXO